Milklike Activities
by the butt
Summary: Yuki uncharactaristically (golly that's a big word) decides to milk Haru as punishment for drinking all the milk. Includes massive destruction of all things good about the show... AKA Yuki's personality. Read if you dare.


Oh.My.God.Everyone.Is.So.Out.Of.Character. 

I have NO idea where this came from. It spawned from my mind about three/four months ago, when I wrote the first paragraph or so. Then a few weeks later I was bored and looking through my old stories, when I found this. Well… I decided I wanted to finish it.

I don't think anyone will ever understand how I got so messed up. But I think it has something to do with the fact that I was so young when I discovered Tenchi Muyo.

Some fun things my spellcheck wanted to do…  
Tenchi – stench  
Muyo – mayo  
Shigure – seizure, shaggier  
Kyo – kilo  
Haru – hark  
Hatsuharu – hatchery (??)  
Tohru – Toro  
Uhm - hump

Yuki looked helplessly at the bag of cookie mix in his hands. Why, he wondered, did Shigure want him to make cookies so badly? Was this some kind of trick to end humanity in some sort of sick doom? Was Shigure THAT evil? Sure, he could be a little eccentric at times... But Yuki had never thought of him wanting to kill off the whole human race.

"Oh well," Yuki dumped the mix into a giant bowl, "I guess humanity is doomed."

The boy started reading the directions on the back of the mix. Butter and eggs. Yuki knew he had eggs... But they had run out of butter when Kyo decided to make completely random, not to mention out-of-character, "American Food Fun!!". Yuki thought for a second. He was too lazy to go to the store, but he knew how to MAKE butter. He went over to the fridge to get milk, only to discover it was gone. Gone. Who the hell would use up all the milk?!

He wondered this for a second, until Hatsuharu's voice from behind broke his train of thought. "Hey, Yuki, can you go to the store? I used up the last of the milk this morning..."

Yuki took a cleansing breath and turned to the other boy, with the most cheerful-looking face he could manage at the moment. "No, Haru. I will not go to the store," he said in an overly-perky tone, smiling madly.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't do favors for people who barge into houses that are not their own and steal the food," Yuki still had his perky tone. Suddenly he had an idea, and looked at Hatsuharu with a face that was too innocent to be a good thing. "But I know how to GET some milk."

Hatsuharu stopped everything he was doing (whatever that was…) and looked back at Yuki. "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing, nothing..." Yuki turned innocently, then walked over to the door and leaned out. "Honda-san! Could you come here for a second?" he called out.

In a few seconds Tohru was downstairs, looking ready to do anything to make someone happy. "Yes, Yuki-kun?"

"Could you just hug Haru really quick?"

"Uhm..." Tohru paused for a second, then looked across the room at Hatsuharu, who looked ready to bolt at any chance he had. "Okay!"

Hatsuharu gulped as Tohru began to advance towards him. Thinking quickly, he dived under the table after grabbing a spoon for protection. Tohru stopped and looked at him for a second.

"Why are you hiding?" she asked, sounding on the verge of tears.

"Because he's going to freaking MILK ME!" Hatsuharu yelled. "I don't even know if that's possible!"

"Oh…" Tohru looked back and forth between them. Yuki was making a begging face, and Hatsuharu was making a scared-as-hell face.

"Please?" Yuki asked, looking sad and very hurt.

"Okay, fine," Tohru smiled cheerfully at Yuki, then went under the table and hugged Hatsuharu. There was a poof, and the boy had turned into a cow.

Yuki laughed innocently as Tohru pulled Hatsuharu the cow out from under the table. Yuki pounced on Hatsuharu and started yanking on his utters.

"OW! DAMMIT YUKI!!" Hatsuharu screamed.

"…I'm leaving…" Tohru said with a cough. She smiled sweetly, and walked out of the kitchen, leaving the boys to their milkish activities.

Yuki continued to attempt to squeeze milk out of Hatsuharu, who was on the verge of tears. Meanwhile, Kyo ventured into the kitchen, saw what was going on, and walked out without a word.

"Yuki, I don't think anything is going to come out… I am a boy and all…"

"Haru, if you do not produce milk, you must go BUY some milk."

Hatsuharu stared at Yuki for a few seconds, then transformed. There was a long pause as Yuki stood up and walked over to get a piece of paper and a pencil.

"I'll make a list of things you need to get while you're at the store while you get your clothes on."

Yeah. I have monster-sized problems…. Please forgive me :D


End file.
